Long overdue Wednesday, Oct 29 2008 

Well I haven’t been writing because I only could think of one thing to write about and I wasn’t ready.  Now it’s pretty much behind me so I can catch y’all up.

When I went for my annual lady exam my doc found a hard, marble-sized lump in my right boob.  I went immediately for a diagnostic mammogram (yes it was every bit as uncomfortable as one might expect) and an ultrasound, and neither the radiologist nor my doc saw anything alarming. Well, there IS something there, but we still didn’t know what it was.

Yesterday I went to see a breast surgeon to try and identify it and schedule to have it removed or biopsied or whatever.  She did an ultrasound — after chastising me for not doing my self-exams — and said that it was a “fatty lobule”. John says I have fat boob syndrome.  He and I have now both seen WAY more of each other’s naughty bits than we could have ever wished.

I will go back to the surgeon after Christmas to make sure nothing has changed.  If all is well there, then another mammogram next year, and if all is still well I don’t have to worry about it again until I’m 40 at which time I’ll start routine yearly mammograms just like every other old saggy chick.

SO for the girls……IF Y’ALL ARE BETWEEN 35 AND 40 PLEASE go ahead and have your mammogram, even though they sometimes don’t make you go until 40. AND DO YOUR SELF-EXAMS.   I may have found this much sooner if I had.  I thought the surgeon was going to slap my wrists when I told her I hadn’t been doing them.

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More Nice Surprises Monday, Sep 29 2008 

Well, Evan did not have the day off today. I have no idea why I had it on my calendar; however, I just got Cheesecake Bites in my Sonic bag that I did not order. Good for my heart, bad for my ass.

I need… Wednesday, Sep 24 2008 

…to get dinner done early, sweep and mop the kitchen, put the dishes away, load the dishwasher, rotate the laundry, work for a couple of hours, get started on the leaves in the front yard, put away the clean laundry, take Evan to football, sort out Grandmother’s pills because her blood pressure’s screwed up, vacuum, wipe down the bathrooms, dust the glass shelves over the bar….

It’s 4:00. I turned in shitty, late work and I’m going to probably really hear about it, from myself even more than my boss.

This is why I’m always behind. This is why I’m always on the edge of a breakdown. How does one catch up on this kind of chaos? I know Flylady can help but for some reason I can’t get with that program either.

And this doesn’t even include the biggest things like improving our relationships and getting our money straight. I don’t even know where to start and I want a cigarette and a shot of something. Oh, and I kind of want to cry ;-(

UPDATE:  My Hero read this and ran home to make sure I was OK and help me out, even though he had his own nasty day. “What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man…”

A New Beginning Monday, Sep 8 2008 

For lots of reasons I renamed my blog “the reinvention of me”. I’ll be 36 on Wednesday and I’m marking a new beginning. I’m going to spend more quality time with my boys, I’m giong to quit smoking and drinking so much and I’m going to eat healthier. Oh yes, and rededicate myself to Flylady and getting my house in order. Now that I put it “on paper” it seems like a lot to take on at once.

BLACKBERRY!!! Friday, Aug 29 2008 

OMG it’s flippin PERFECT for me. I live and breathe by my Google calendar, and I can automatically synch it with my Blackberry calendar and vice-versa. Plus my Windows-based device wouldn’t let me watch video and with this I can gawk at Lindsay Lohan on TMZ all I want! Hooray!!

Stupid Friday, Aug 29 2008 

I just realized I titled two posts in a row with “stupid”. Apparently it’s good that my next appointment is Tuesday…

The therapist! Friday, Aug 8 2008 

We found her. We LOVE her. She has TWO ACTIVE BOYS and specializes in kids and women!!

Evan and I will both be seeing her separately. She can’t believe I’ve never been in therapy with all my anxiety. And she is going to work with Evan — he’s been obsessed with dying lately. He’s been around several deaths in his short life so I don’t blame him. It’s so cool to get to have great-grandparents because so many kids don’t, but that’s the consequence. He had four when he was born and now he has one, plus he was devasted when we lost Shelby.  An aside, I HIGHLY recommend “Dog Heaven” and “Cat Heaven” books for kids who lose pets.  It helped him a lot.

We’re going to revisit the ADHD question. He was diagnosed a couple of years ago, but we decided not to put him on meds and he did really well in Kinder, so we’re going to kind of start over from the beginning once he gets into first grade and see where he is now.